I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize