flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i dont even know how to be here
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
