Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
