i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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