it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize