its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
