Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
