It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
