i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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