you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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