peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize