i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
