Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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