What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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