why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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