my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Every concussion has its silver lining
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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