What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
