if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
