His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize