This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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