I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
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