____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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