Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
