Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
