He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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