I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Terrible idea I love it
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
