bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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