just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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