Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
