go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize