1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
