apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
