I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
