I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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