peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you told grandpa to call you daddy
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
