drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
this will be a night to untag.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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