you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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