Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
