sarcasm needs its own font
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
