i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
