If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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