I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
