can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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