And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i now understand why vodka
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
