i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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