He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
