I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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