Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
