Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
