...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
