Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
