come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
