It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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