Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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