I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
