U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
