I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
