normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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