Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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