You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
