We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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