What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
