Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
