I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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