grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
