PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I got inside last night via doggy door
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
