dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
