its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
