2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
