Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize