Your face is a jimmy john
i just had sex bonerless
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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