My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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