i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
