I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
