"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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